satine macht :)
Alex wakes up on Saturday morning, he can already hear his husband and son downstairs. He rubs his eyes sleepily as he make his way into the kitchen in his wife beater and sweatpants. He grins as he is greeted by the sight of his husband, Gabriel, making eggs on the stove. “Daddy!” Beau their son beams throwing his hands in the air in delight as Alex walks into the kitchen “Hey Baby!” Alex smiles walking over and sitting down at the table with their son. “What are you doing kiddo?” He asked reaching out, stroking the boys long blond hair, the exact colour of Gabriel’s. “I’m drawing a picture!” The little boy says with a toothy grin. Alex smiles and looks at it “Aww, is that you me and dada?” he asks nodding in Gabriel’s direction. “Yup!” Beau says happily “When I grow up I’m gonna marry a boy too” he grins broadly. Alex arches an eyebrow and chuckles “Really?” he asks, he couldn’t be happier. Gabriel chuckles softly while serving up the eggs “Breakfast is ready” he beams, joining his little family at the table.
SOBBING. CRYING. I CAN’T WITH YOU. AND THIS. AND MY FACE. IT HURTS. CRYING.
I don’t know exactly when this was taken, some time in 2005, I believe, but I’m pretty sure it’s the only picture I have with my second family. Sara, you will be missed.
I know the rules of the game, for every sunset a light has to fade, but, baby, a light like yours was so glorious.</3 R.I.P. Sara Elizabeth Clements.
They don’t understand that just because spell check says something is spelled wrong that doesn’t necessarily mean that it really is spelled wrong; i.e. country names. My mother also asked me why her work information wasn’t showing up on her FB page…I was like, “Did you save it?” and she said, “No.” HM, WONDER WHY? lol This is going to be fun.
I remember when you were born. I was thirteen and excited to have a new niece, especially one born from my closest sister. I hung around the hospital all day waiting because your mom had a c-section and I obviously wasn’t allowed into the OR. Sometime in the mid afternoon, I was told you’d arrived and even got to look at your tiny body in the nursery, but hours later you were air lifted to Nashville for emergency surgery. I was scared for you but knew you were in good hands. When you came home, you were so small…your mom had your room decorated for you and I hoped you’d become what she needed. Unfortunately, she always accepted the love she thought she deserved. She deserved so much more. Autumn, I’m sorry that you never got to see the good in Ashlee. She was a wonderful person at one point in her life, but she made a lot of poor decisions, and I cannot express to you how heartbroken I am that she chose abuse and drugs over you. She went back to her husband and took you with her. Five months into your life, you came back to my house permanently, without your mother.
You were so fragile. I was told not to let you cry too much because that would cause complications with your heart, so I tried not to let you cry at all. I watched you from the moment I came home from school until after I fell asleep and even had to take you to several sleep over parties. I never detested you for that. There was something about you that always had me intrigued.
Needless to say, I grew very attached to you over the next five months and was exceedingly distressed when I came to find out that you needed yet another heart surgery that would take you and my mother five hours away. I was young and scared.
I remember being left by my older sisters, alone while you were being treated. I remember finding out you weren’t coming home on time, that you caught the Rhinovirus when you were in surgery, that they had to keep your chest open, and I was told you were very sick. Autumn, I cried every drop of moisture out of my body while I was rocked on a friend’s lap. I cried until my throat was dry and sore and I was scared it would close up. I cried until there was nothing left. I was so scared to lose you.
When you finally came home, your scars were too big and foreign on your tiny body. They tore through your chest and back and your ankles and wrists. They left you battered and bruised and swollen. I cried, but you were happy. You’d beaten it! You’d survived!
You were ten months old. You had a feeding tube, you were addicted to a powerful medication, and you, again, were left in my young and inexperienced hands. I had to ween you off of the narcotic. I had to give you constant care. I had to take you everywhere. I slept with you. I carried you proudly. I was never angry with you. I loved you unconditionally.
I gave you everything I had.
It’s hard for me to acknowledge that you will be eight soon, and I just have some things I want you to know:
You are the most wonderful, beautiful person I have ever met; you’re also the strongest person I’ll ever know; I think about you all the time; and you’re the only little girl that will ever have my heart.
Autumn, sometimes I think of you as my own child. I cared for you like a mother and it still pains me to know that I don’t see you as much as I should. Please, know that I didn’t leave you, I left the strife of the household. You see, mother can sometimes be difficult and even I can’t protect you from her harsh words always, I just hope you never have to see the side of her that I’ve seen. You deserve so much more.
One of these days, I’m going to move you across the country with me and you’ll see just how much you deserve to be loved. There are a lot of bad things that go on in your presence, a lot of horrible secrets you’ll learn about your family, and I know you won’t know what to think, but, Autumn, I know you. You’re a brilliant girl who deserves better than what has been lain out before her. You can be different. You can make your own decisions. I don’t want any of those bad things, not for you.
I know you have the potential to be something great, and I want you to know I’ll always be here for you to guide you in whichever ways possible.
I beg of you that you always remember that you are not your family’s mistakes and their actions in no way reflect your future. Blue prints can be altered.
I love you, always.
My favorite person in the whole world.
We settled on what we were going to do on our Monday morning together. She was absolutely wide eyed, raised eye brow sure about it. In the back of the car she sang unselfconsciously along to her favorite CD, mouthing words here and there. As I watched her, I thought if I was busted singing the…
OMG so cute.
He’s amazing. He did more for me in 3 days than my whole family has ever even attempted to do. He hasn’t seen me in ten years, but he treated me like I was his kid or something…I cried too much on the trip. I cried my ass off when he had to leave… and I miss him like hell, but I’m so glad I got to know him as well as I did in those 3 days. He’s a wonderful person even though his flaws are many and he lets shit drag him down sometimes. It’s good to know I’m actually like someone in my family. I can’t wait to see him again…he left such an impression on me. <333